For Women: Our Men Are Under Attack

On February 28, 2021 By JCIn Miscellaneous, Wounded Butterflies Blog1 Comment

Whatever men you have in your life–dad, son, brother, husband, coach, neighbor, friend, boyfriend, and so on–the enemy wants them weak and vulnerable. That could mean physically or spiritually weak. Once the enemy can incapacitate a man, those around him are much more vulnerable.

This is not a sexist view, this is Biblical. Man was created first:

“The LORD God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.’ Now the LORD God had formed out of the ground all the wild animals and all the birds in the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds in the sky and all the wild animals. But for Adam no suitable helper was found. So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. The man said, ‘This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called “woman,” for she was taken out of man.'”
Genesis 2:18-23 NIV

But you will also note that the serpent used the woman to get to the man:

“Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the LORD God had made. He said to the woman, ‘Did God really say, “You must not eat from any tree in the garden”?’ The woman said to the serpent, ‘We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, but God did say, “You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.”‘ ‘You will not certainly die,’ the serpent said to the woman. ‘For God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.’ When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it.”
Genesis 3:1-6 NIV

While women have influence over the men in our lives, that can be good or bad influence. As women, we need to be on our knees for the men in our lives. If you think, “Well, there are no men in my life – no family, no friends, no Pastors, etc.,” then be on your knees for our President, for instance, if you are an American. Whatever political view you have, the Bible commands we are to submit to the government authorities that God instituted:

“Let everyone be subject to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. Consequently, whoever rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves. For rulers hold no terror for those who do right, but for those who do wrong. Do you want to be free from fear of the one in authority? Then do what is right and you will be commended. For the one in authority is God’s servant for your good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for rulers do not bear the sword for no reason. They are God’s servants, agents of wrath to bring punishment on the wrongdoer. Therefore, it is necessary to submit to the authorities, not only because of possible punishment but also as a matter of conscience. This is also why you pay taxes, for the authorities are God’s servants, who give their full time to governing. Give to everyone what you owe them: If you owe taxes, pay taxes; if revenue, then revenue; if respect, then respect; if honor, then honor.”
Romans 13:1-7 NIV

Men do not always pray for themselves. I understand that, for it can seem selfish to pray for yourself. David prayed for himself a lot, however, and he was a strong warrior and king. There are many examples of David praying for himself, and here is just one: “Arise, LORD! Deliver me, my God! Strike all my enemies on the jaw; break the teeth of the wicked” (Psalm 3:7 NIV).

We need to encourage the men in our lives. We need to pray for the men in our lives. We need to let them know we are praying for them, whether they are praying for themselves or not, and that we have them covered daily.

The prayers of a woman are incredibly powerful, as are all prayers. The point I am highlighting here, though, is that the serpent used the woman to bring down the man. Can you imagine how much more powerful it would be if God used women, through prayer, to protect the men in our lives?

If they are unsaved, cry out to God for their salvation. If they are wandering, pray they would become the prodigal son. If they are weary, pray for strength and tenacity to keep their eyes on Jesus. If they are walking with Jesus, pray that they would continue to deepen their walk. (From a wife’s perspective, I personally can attest that a man who loves Jesus above all else is extremely attractive!)

Ask them how you can pray for them. If you do not know, just lift them up to God to fulfill whatever it is they need. God knows. Just be on your knees against the enemy’s attacks.

Will you join me in a prayer now?

Father in Heaven,

We lift up the men in our lives, whether fathers, friends, family, mentors, or romantic partners. We lift them up to You.

Please surround them with hedges of spiritual and physical protection forged by the precious blood of Jesus. Let only that which is of You or from You dare touch them.

We pray for their souls to grow closer to You. We pray for their flesh to submit to You. We pray for them to aggressively pursue You and Your Will daily in their walks. We pray their relationships with Jesus grow deeper every single day.

Lord, fill our men with strength and courage. Lord, fill them with wisdom.

Lord, fill us all with the desire to be on our knees in prayer for Your Will to be done in our lives. May we draw closer to You with each passing day.

Father, we thank You and praise You for all You have done.

In the precious name of Jesus we pray.

Amen

Love Will Restore the Land

On December 30, 2020January 10, 2021 By JCIn Miscellaneous, Wounded Butterflies BlogLeave a comment

2020 was a year of loss and hurt for most people. Between the pandemic, the economy, job loss, illness, and the inability to see loved ones, 2020 was a mess.

As believers, we cling to the fact that God is in control. Everything that enters our lives passes through the fingers of our Lord. So what are we to learn from the pandemic and its impacts?

It seems many people believe when the calendar flips to January 1, 2021, all will return to “normal.” At the risk of seeming negative, I think we must seek a new normal. The current generation of 2, 3, 4, and 5-year-olds have been taught not to touch each other, share toys, or sit with each other. They have been taught hugging is not a good idea, nor is touching others at all.

I am not saying I disagree with what we have to do as we battle a pandemic, but it does indicate possible future tendencies of that generation. This was not just one country of kids taught this, but the global population of kids. What does this mean for these future leaders? This remains to be seen.

We have re-wired ourselves and our children to not touch or hug, except certain people that are “safe.” There are people that have not felt human touch in almost a year. For some, they are grateful to be left alone. For others, it is a struggle. Humans are created for touch. We are created to love each other and comfort each other. There are so many verses that command us to love each other. Here are just a few:

“This is my command: Love each other.”
John 15:17 NLT

“Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other.”
Romans 12:10 NLT

“So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other.”
John 13:34 NLT

“We love each other because he loved us first.”
1 John 4:19 NLT

“This is my commandment: Love each other in the same way I have loved you.”
John 15:12 NLT

“Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love each other.”
1 John 4:11 NLT

“Finally, all of you should be of one mind. Sympathize with each other. Love each other as brothers and sisters. Be tenderhearted, and keep a humble attitude.”
1 Peter 3:8 NLT

We have a choice, as a nation and as a people. Do we invest our time and energy into arguing about masks, politics, and myriads of other things or do we follow the Bible and love each other?

I do not have to agree with you to love you. Jesus loved everyone, even those who murdered Him. He asked God to forgive them as they drained the blood out of our Lord and Savior.

“Jesus said, ‘Father, forgive them, for they don’t know what they are doing.’ And the soldiers gambled for his clothes by throwing dice.”
Luke 23:34 NLT

That is our bar to strive for – love everyone. He loved those that caused His death and were gambling for His material possessions as He prayed for them to be forgiven.

Snow and I talked about grudges recently during a devotional. There have been many people who have inflicted or spoken hurt into our lives. We are faced with a choice, just like all believers, hold a grudge or love.

The way that God has taught me to release grudges, hurt, anger, or resentment is to pray for that person. Pray for the person to be forgiven and blessed. Regardless of your political affiliation or how you feel about wearing masks, pray. We need to pray for each other and we need to tell people we are praying for them. Pray for the future generations that are being taught not to touch. Pray for the neighbors and loved ones that are suffering from loss, loneliness, job loss or anxiety. Pray for them by name and tell them you are praying for them.

The great thing about God is that He always knows whom you are talking about. You can pray for the “lady down the street whose name I do not know” and God has her. He knows who she is and what she needs. Drop a note in her mailbox: “I am praying for you.” You do not need to sign it or even interact with her. This is a spiritual touch. We must find new ways to touch people to show love. Prayer is one big way. Telling people we are praying for them is another way to show love.

There have been many analyses over 2020 about what the world needs: Vaccines, herd immunity, economic recovery, and so on. We need prayer. We need to pray and tell people we are praying for them.

“Then if my people who are called by my name will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sins and restore their land.”
2 Chronicles 7:14 NLT

The above verse tells us a list of things to do now and in 2021. For those of us who feel hurt, confused, or unsure about what to do – look to this verse and love.

Love however you can, whoever you can, whenever you can.

During this time of limited physical touch, we must find new ways to show love using technology, handwritten notes, or “smiling” with our eyes when our real smiles are hidden behind masks.

Be humble with those around you by showing patience, kindness, and sensitivity. If you have been untouched by the virus, praise God! Please keep in mind that most of the people around you have been touched by it in some way or other.

Instead of losing patience with people, pray for them. It takes literally two seconds to lift someone up: “Lord, I pray that person drives better” or “Lord, I pray that person becomes nicer.” Seek His face on their behalf and pray.

Restoring the Faded

On October 11, 2020March 21, 2021 By JCIn Miscellaneous, Wounded Butterflies Blog2 Comments

Today’s post serves as a sort of epilogue to JC’s multipart series on surviving abuse. However, abuse recovery is an ongoing process, and she will likely provide further updates down the road. Below are links to all of the installments in the “Nobody Knew, Yet Everybody Knew” series:

If you are being abused, please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline on their site or by phone at 1−800−799−7233.

My kids and I are now safe – we moved out and are beginning the long, arduous healing process. You never know how badly you were “damaged” until you are out of a situation. Once my kids were freed, I began to see how much they had lost themselves to survive in that environment.

It was such a slow fading away of ourselves that none of us saw it. We would tone down our laughter or our jokes for fear of being too loud and causing an outburst. We stopped having people over because we were ashamed of what my spouse might say to embarrass us or the guest. We stopped going out because there were so many hurdles to get “approval.” Not to mention trackers were on all our phones so we could be hunted down when desired.

It is now easy to see how much control my spouse asserted over us. The weapons that were used against us were sometimes subtle, sometimes not. When my therapist said I have post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), I thought, “no way.” But the more I live out of that environment, the more I see that my kids and I definitely do have PTSD.

My spouse continues to attempt to control me and the kids, even though he is not physically present in our lives. Just this week, he stole more money from the kids and then came after me again. The games continue weekly, sometimes daily.

Here is the secret to continued survival and, even better, for you to flourish: Peace – and perspective from that peace.

In John 14:27, Jesus said “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid” (NIV).

I either believe Him or I do not. If I believe Jesus, then I have His peace, and I need to focus on that. He also told me not to be troubled or afraid. If my spouse wishes to steal from his kids, there may be nothing I can do about that. But – this I know – God loves my kids even more than I do. He is their Father in Heaven and nobody will be successful messing with His kids. Sure, things may temporarily appear that way – but God is justice. We tend to focus on God is love, and He is, but God is also justice.

There is nothing I can do sometimes to protect my kids against the attacks launched by their earthly father, so I pray daily for their father and rest in the knowledge that God is justice. Sometimes I do not even know what to pray, but the Spirit does (Romans 8:26). My role is to pray for their earthly father daily and, in God’s strength, to best protect the kids God has loaned me. What God does with those prayers and what God does with someone who does such terrible things to his own children is up to Him.

It is very hard to heal the wounds when you keep getting attacked. I have had to learn that my healing is not contingent on the attacks ending – because they may not. My spouse lives to hurt me and the kids – so I needed perspective. I turned to the Bible, and God gave me this verse:

“Don’t be afraid of those who want to kill your body; they cannot touch your soul. Fear only God, who can destroy both soul and body in hell.”
Matthew 10:28 NLT

This does not mean we are barred from defending ourselves or our kids when physically attacked (as mentioned in Part 2). It does mean that there may be people who live to hurt you. Abusive spouses may make it their missions in life to hurt you, especially once you leave them. They may not relent, and you need to be prepared for that.

You need to understand that God is your Protector. God has made it clear we are to fear Him and not be afraid. We are to take everything to Him in prayer and not worry about anything. He is in control. This perspective can be hard to maintain at times when it seems like your abuser is constantly coming out on top. But, make no mistake, God sees all, and God is justice.

Your path to healing must be rooted firmly in Jesus and Jesus alone – not whether your spouse stops the mind games, the manipulation, the hate, the theft, the lying, or other forms of abuse. Once you have removed yourself and your kids to a safe environment, expect the hits to keep coming in new forms. Surround yourself with your support group, get a good therapist, do not be afraid to call the police, and above all, anchor yourself and your kids to the Protector, the Savior, the Creator of all things – Jesus Christ.

Heavenly Father,

Please bless all survivors of abuse. May You fill them with Your strength, Your peace, and Your resolve.

May You restore what slowly faded away, so Your light may shine ever bright through them.

You are love. You are justice. You are our Protector. We love You.

In the blessed name of Jesus we pray.

Amen

Nobody Knew, Yet Everybody Knew: An Abuse Survivor’s Story (Part 6)

On October 4, 2020October 18, 2020 By JCIn Miscellaneous, Wounded Butterflies Blog2 Comments

This is Part 6 of a series on surviving abuse.

[Read Part 1 | Read Part 2 | Read Part 3 | Read Part 4 | Read Part 5]

If you are being abused, please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline on their site or by phone at 1−800−799−7233.

I had to learn forgiveness. I needed to forgive my abuser, the same one who abused my kids.

“If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you.”
Matthew 6:14 NLT

It took time to forgive. I learned that praying for someone daily is a great start on the road to forgiving that person. I started to pray daily that is how I would behave towards my abuser.

“Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.”
Ephesians 4:32 NLT

Please take note that forgiving someone does not mean that you agree with or condone their behavior. Forgiveness is for you, not the one you are forgiving. When you harbor unforgiveness towards someone, you are giving that person control over you. You are better than that.

When I saw how hard it would be to forgive the abuser for what he did to my kids, I knew only the power of prayer, a strong support system, and spending more time with Jesus would enable the forgiveness to flow. There were days I absolutely did not want to pray for my abuser, but I did it anyway. After about a year, I finally let it all go. I let go of the hurt, the resentment, and whatever else I felt. It was very freeing to say to God, “He is yours, deal with him as you see fit.”

I know God does not condone abuse; we are created in His image. I also know He does not take kindly to people who abuse kids.

“And whosoever shall offend one of these little ones that believe in me, it is better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and he were cast into the sea.”
Mark 9:42 KJV

I now faithfully pray for my abuser multiple times a day, and I mean those prayers with all my heart. My prayer has been and continues to be, “Let today be the day that (spouse) walks closer to You than ever before.”

I realized recently that specific prayer is something I want, too. Each day, I want to be closer to Jesus than the day before. Therein lies the key – pray a prayer for your abuser that you would pray for yourself, too.

And the other key is that a relationship with Jesus is all that matters. There is nothing else in this entire world or lifetime that will be more important than a relationship with Jesus. If you know Jesus as your Lord, strengthen your relationship everyday. The closer you are to Him, the closer you are to having the wisdom, strength and discernment you need to live in a way that pleases God. Every day, I pray that God will help me to be Christlike to my abuser.

I am learning that being Christlike does not equate to weakness. My therapist says to be “aggressively Christlike.” I am very much still a work in progress in this arena. I treat my abuser as Christlike as possible because I have three kids watching me. They know Momma loves Jesus. I must set an example for them.

Throughout my divorce and the time leading up to it, my spouse did and said many things to try to hurt me or the kids. And as he ramped up his ugliness, I ramped up the Light.

“The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness can never extinguish it.”
John 1:5 NLT

This verse came to life before my eyes. I was praying and fasting and studying the Word so much that my abuser could not stand to be in the same room with me for more than 90 seconds. The light makes the dark flee. This was a huge unexpected bonus for me.

Jesus is the only One that can help my abuser. It is freeing to let him go. Put that energy towards deepening your relationship with Jesus and showing the fruit of the Spirit to everyone around you.

As a single Mom, my identity has completely shifted. I have to look my kids in the face everyday knowing that they witnessed how I treated their earthly father: The words I said and did not say, the actions I responded to and did not respond to. I worked daily at being Christlike, and I continue to work daily at it.

The abuser is still in my life, although in a much more limited way. Due to prayers and the strength from God to be as Christlike as possible, I walked away knowing that I did everything I could to treat my abuser as a child of God, as a person made in the image of God.

You must stay strong in the Spirit, do it for Jesus, and do it for your kids. Do it for yourself.

I refused to stoop to his level and engage in mind games. Because of my relationship with Jesus, I had and have daily peace. Recently, I asked my abuser how I could pray for him. He asked for “peaceful sleep.”

While I am sorry he is having trouble sleeping, I sleep just fine.

[Read the Epilogue.]

Nobody Knew, Yet Everybody Knew: An Abuse Survivor’s Story (Part 5)

On September 27, 2020October 18, 2020 By JCIn Miscellaneous, Wounded Butterflies Blog3 Comments

This is Part 5 of a series on surviving abuse.

[Read Part 1 | Read Part 2 | Read Part 3 | Read Part 4]

If you are being abused, please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline on their site or by phone at 1−800−799−7233.

I prayed for my abusive spouse for over a decade, but things became slowly worse until they imploded at the end. Not everyone will agree with my decision, and that is fine because I know I bathed my decision in prayer and fasting.

I believe that God blessed me with the children I have to protect them with my life, even if that means stepping between them and their earthly father. I finally left and took the kids with me.

Leaving took planning and a ton of prayer and so much help from my support system. I am grateful to God for His protection and provision. Now, as a single mom, I pray every day that He will show me how to lead these kids in a way that brings glory to His name. I pray for their relationships with their earthly father to one day be healed, as I focus them on their Heavenly Father.

For me, when I made the decision to leave, I needed to be ready to lose everything, and maybe even my kids. Our legal system is a mess and does not protect the ones needing protection. Hindsight is 20/20 – it would have made my life easier later to call the cops when my spouse did what he did. But, you know what, it would have made my life worse at that time had I called the cops when he did what he did. I chose not to call the police and yes, that made it more difficult from a legal perspective on the back end. But when you are afraid of what will be done to you and your kids, the police are not always the first call you make. When the abuser is in control of everything – bank accounts, cell phones, cars, etc – it is not that easy to “just leave.”

I have learned there is life after abuse:

Tell your story.
Find a way to help those still in abusive situations – donate time, money, a car, professional services, etc.
Pray.
Remember, God is love. He will be your Protector, your guide, and hold you when you’re alone or scared.
Focus on your relationship with Him; this needs to be your priority.
Don’t give up on love.
Don’t give up on trust.
Find someone who loves Jesus more than you (some of the advice I gave my kids came from learning things the hard way with their earthly father).
Find someone who does not care whether your bank accounts are “joint,” which may become a foul word to you.

In addition to being an abuser, my spouse was a narcissist with an incredible talent to hide who he really was to everyone not living with him. In next week’s installment, I discuss why I needed to forgive him.

[Read Part 6]

“We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in his love. God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them.”
1 John 4:16 NLT

Nobody Knew, Yet Everybody Knew: An Abuse Survivor’s Story (Part 4: For Pastors)

On September 20, 2020January 24, 2021 By JCIn Miscellaneous, Wounded Butterflies Blog4 Comments

This is Part 4 of a series on surviving abuse.

[Read Part 1 | Read Part 2 | Read Part 3]

If you are being abused, please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline on their site or by phone at 1−800−799−7233.

Several weeks after I left my abusive spouse and moved out with the kids, our pastor of fifteen years left me a voicemail. He said that he had just found out “there were problems between” my spouse and me. He offered us counseling again. [We had one session ten years ago, which I discussed in the Beloved Walks post “Spiritual Abuse” (December 2019).]

To be frank, I was floored that the Senior Pastor had no idea one of his own deacons had been going through a divorce for over a year. Between the out-of-touch pastor and my lying spouse, the ruse of a happy family was alive and well.

I prayed about how best to respond to the pastor. I replied via email and shared that I appreciated him reaching out and that the kids and I were now safe in a Christian home. I also shared with the pastor that I pray for him and will continue to do so.

Shortly after sending my email, I received a reply. The Senior Pastor reprimanded me for not including him in my decisions and further chastised me by saying that he believes God wants a pastor involved in such marital decisions. He further encouraged me to come tell him the issues.

A few things jumped to my mind:

I did come to you for counseling years ago. You told me to submit.
You assume I do not have pastoral counseling. You are wrong. I have two pastors, one a close friend (and his wife) and the other a licensed psychiatrist who is also an ordained pastor.
I have a personal relationship with my Lord Jesus. It is possible, and should in fact be, that people have their own close relationships with Jesus. I prayed and fasted for a very long time. On my knees, so many tears shed crying out to Jesus. I am obeying Him, and I walk closely with Him. I do not and should not “need” a pastor to tell me what God thinks. I should have a daily, deepening relationship with Jesus, so I know as I walk in the Holy Spirit what He is telling me.
The invitation to come tell you all the issues appears to be a desire to obtain gossip. The decision has been made, I am in His will, and gossiping about issues achieves nothing. I have an amazing Christian therapist, who has been walking with me for months. I tell him my issues.

In the end, I decided to delete the Senior Pastor’s email and not reply. My broader point in sharing all of this in today’s post, though, is that if you are a pastor, consider the following:

Stay involved with your deacons. Know them closely and ensure the best you can that they are and remain honorable (1 Timothy 3:1-12).
Do not just tell wives to submit. Ask the husband, “Do you pray with your wife daily? Do you read the Bible with your wife daily?” If the answer to either of these questions is, “No,” then stop – you have found the root of most marital problems.
If your long time parishioners do not engage you in their huge life decisions, perhaps ask them why instead of chastising them.
Please do not assume that one of your parishioners will not have a close enough walk with Jesus to make huge life decisions. We should be walking with Him, and we are commanded to grow in the knowledge and grace of the Lord (2 Peter 3:18).
It should be perfectly acceptable if another pastor is assisting your parishioners. Again, perhaps seek to understand why versus belittling.

As for me, I did not and do not believe it is my responsibility to inform my spouse’s friends or family members of our divorce unless I am faced with one of his lies, in which case I clarify with facts. I feel the same way about my spouse’s pastor, who I no longer consider my pastor.

I still have plenty more to share about surviving abuse, and this series will continue here next week. As I said in the initial post, this is a chance for me to share what I have learned and observed so far on my journey, but I’m certainly not here to say, “I figured it all out.” Thank you for reading.

[Read Part 5]

Heavenly Father,

We lift up the pastors of the world. Open their eyes and fill them with compassion, wisdom, and discernment. Help them to go beyond the “easy answers” and, instead, seek Your voice to enrich the spiritual journeys of their parishioners.

We also lift up all the survivors. May they realize Jesus is walking with them.

In the blessed name of Jesus we pray.

Amen

Nobody Knew, Yet Everybody Knew: An Abuse Survivor’s Story (Part 3)

On September 13, 2020October 18, 2020 By JCIn Miscellaneous, Wounded Butterflies Blog5 Comments

This is Part 3 of a series on surviving abuse.

[Read Part 1 | Read Part 2]

If you are being abused, please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline on their site or by phone at 1−800−799−7233.

As I slowly came to terms with the situation that I was in and what I must do to protect my kids from my spouse, I began to very gently and cautiously open up to the people closest to me – people I trusted with my life and my kids’ lives.

Each of them had various responses. They ranged from, “I am not surprised” to “I knew something was off about him” to “Yes, I knew he was abusive because I witnessed such and such.”

I would then ask, “Why didn’t you say something?”

They each had their own responses, but most of them centered around not wanting to hurt me. While I can see that perspective, the problem is I was being hurt. In some ways, irreparably hurt.

If you are friends or family with someone you suspect or know is being abused – say something. Of course, be discreet and gentle, but say something.

There are situations where the abuse ramps up so slowly over time that people may not even realize how bad it has become. The abuse becomes “normal” to them. It takes outsiders to point out things.

The reaction may not be great when you share your perspective, but I encourage you to risk the friendship/relationship. Risk the person being upset with you or being hurt by what you are asking or sharing. You may save lives.

I can also tell you that if and when the time comes for that person to need support, you will come to mind as someone who cared enough to say something.

In my case, I did not care what happened to me, but when the abuse crossed over to my kids, that was the trigger for me to leave.

The beauty in God and walking in the Holy Spirit is that He started preparing me 14 months before I knew I would take action. He started pointing me to save cash and leave it with trusted friends. He gently worked on my heart and soul, so I began very, very slowly to open up to close, trusted confidantes of what was happening and what my plans would be.

God placed people in my path to help me – some believers and some not. But it was clear that He was sending me these people to help me leave. Over on Beloved Walks, I have shared in at least two posts that many Christians, as a hasty, knee-jerk response, will quote how God hates divorce: “Spiritual Abuse” (December 2019) and “Please Listen, Church Family” (July 2019).

God created human beings in His image, and He never wants anyone abused. That is not who He is.

Before I moved out with the kids, I shared my specific plans with my spouse. (This is not always the best plan, you must consider your specific situation.)

The abuse increased once I shared my intentions with him. He was angry because I would no longer be paying his bills that he was running up. He was also on multiple prescription drugs and had become unrecognizable to the kids and me.

My abuser was and is able to pretend to be someone else to others, specifically to church friends. We went to the same church together for ten plus years. Nobody at church ever saw the “real” person he is. In the next installment, an oblivious pastor calls me weeks after I move out.

[Read Part 4]

“But those who trust in the LORD will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.”
Isaiah 40:31 NLT

Heavenly Father,

We lift up the abused. May You free them. May You heal them. May You fill them with peace.

We give the abusers to You. May they fall at the cross, repent, and find new paths. May You forgive them. May You heal them. May You fill them with peace.

Thank You, God. We love You.

In the blessed name of Jesus we pray.

Amen